Looking back throughout my "standing" journey, I can remember going through the what ifs (especially in the beginning and occasionally now). Just like a tornado you start with one what if and it spirals down into a long list of what ifs. WHAT IF…
…he leaves me for good?
…he does go to the court and files divorce papers?
…I get served divorce papers?
…I have to try to pay for everything on my own?
…he wants split custody?
…I cannot pay the bills?
…he wants our children to meet this other woman?
…he says he loves her?
…he has sex with her?
…his family meets her?
…his family accepts her?
…his family likes her?
…he never loved me?
…she is prettier than me?
…she takes care of him better?
and so on.
The what ifs are endless and majority of the time negative. The what ifs for our circumstances can over take and control our minds. Before we know it, we are in this tornado of ideas, scenarios, and thoughts that we cannot seem to find our way out of. Our minds become captive and we cannot seem to figure out how we can reel ourselves back in. If you are like I was, I would start to break out in a panicked and energy draining sweat, unable to breath and to the point where I felt I was going to be physically sick. At one point, I did end up in the emergency room, because I had a panic attack (a first for me).
This is exactly where the enemy wants us. He wants us defeated and totally out of control. Satan wants us to think and dwell on all of the negative thoughts. Honestly, I was there a lot. My whole world was my husband. He had become my idol above everything else. God had to get a hold of me and in a drastic way. I had to be stripped of all that was before God. I had to be broken down, to get to the end of me, so I could then be built up in Him. Now, do not get me wrong, I had to endure a lot and majority of the time, I failed because I acted out of the flesh and my emotions.
One day, I was so desperate and I needed to talk to someone…anyone with a Godly mindset. I remember texting my former youth pastor, who was a huge influence in my life and aware of my situation. I do not remember exactly what I said but I do remember it was filled with all of the what ifs. Then, I received a phone call from him that I would never forget and it changed my life.
He said, all of the what ifs you sent me are negative! The what ifs are ongoing and will never end. I started to say, yeah but he (my husband) said this and that, so I am questioning it all and I have to think of the what ifs. He said, okay fine let's do it. I said, do what? He said, what if he files? What if he wants a divorce? What if he does go to court? Etc. He started listing out my what ifs and I did not like it but it got me thinking. I started to say, well I do not want a divorce. I do not want to sign the papers. I want to remain married. He said, okay, then do not sign the papers. If you get papers, do not sign them. If you do get the papers, a divorce takes time. I started with more what ifs.
Then, he hit me with what changed my whole perspective and now I stand by it to this day. He said let’s flip it. WHAT IF…
…he never files? He has not yet.
…God stops it?
…he comes to his senses?
…he comes back home?
…God gets ahold of him and changes everything?
…he and this girl break up?
…God removes her out of his life forever?
…this is the way God, reaches him again and truly saves him?
…God does the impossible?
…God moves the mountains?
…God does restore your marriage like you are praying for?
…other family members and friends are saved because of your stand?
He went on and on. By him saying this to me, I realized quickly that my thoughts needed to be taken captive. I needed to control them, not the enemy. I allowed the negative what ifs and thoughts to be driven by the enemy and he was winning. It is all about our mindset and what we are allowing to come into our minds which then controls our hearts.
What are the what ifs that you are allowing to take place in your mind? Are they negative? Are they driven by the enemy? Are they causing you to be anxious or worried? Are you staying up at night because of the tornado of what ifs? Are they consuming you? Are they causing you to miss out on the things happening around you? Are you missing out on the blessings and miracles of the day? Can you think clearly? Or are the what ifs positive? Are they guided by the Lord? Are they showing you how to defeat the enemy at his own game? Which perspective do you want to have and keep in front of you? If your answers are yes to all or majority of these negative what ifs, you are now aware of how the enemy has come in to defeat you. Can you see the difference of what is filling your mind? Who is "feeding" your mind? What are you allowing to flood your mind?
High five! You are now aware of how the enemy has plotted against you, your spouse, and your marriage. So….what are you going to do about it? Are you going to continue in this same mind frame? Are you going to pick up your cross and take it with you? Are you going to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and finish the race? Stand! Fight! Charge! You are on the winning side and you have the ultimate Warrior fighting on your side!
2 Timothy 4:7 AMP
7 I have fought the good and worthy and noble fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith [firmly guarding the gospel against error].
Matthew 16:23 AMP
But Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind Me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to Me, for you are not setting your mind on things of God, but on things of man."
7 June 2018
Serving Blessings
Blessed to Bless Others - Pray. Fight. Dream. Believe. Receive.